All the Right Friends In All the Right Places

After thoughtful consideration, I feel the need to write an addendum to yesterday's post.
What kept me from "doing the deed" and "offing myself?" Because truly, I was in such a dark place I considered it. Countless numbers of times. So what prevented me and what got me through the mess besides a good doctor that finally figured out what was contributing to my emotional turmoil?
Friends and family.

All my life I've struggled with opening up about my past. Even now, I sit here typing with tears in my eyes as I think about it. Fortunately, I have the world's most understanding husband and he loves me regardless of my crazy ups and downs. He is my rock. He doesn't always know how to cope when I feel blue "for no reason" and just cry and cry and cry. He just holds me and tries to make me laugh with his goofiness and wit. Thank you, Paul, for not giving up on me.
My mom, of course, has become my best friend over the years. I gave her hell, but she hung in there with her unwavering love and put up with the bullshit. I don't always tell her everything because I don't want her to worry, but I know I can count on her to answer the phone and listen to my vents, my annoyances and on great days, my accomplishments.
My friends, JayGar and Leah, have also helped me get over the hump. They, too, have struggled with their own emotional demons. We are there for each other to pick each other up, to provide words of encouragement, to make each other smile. Sometimes the best medicine for ourselves is to help others. It's amazing the little endorphin boost one can get by performing one act of kindness a day.

I couldn't complete this little addendum without adding a note about my dear friend, Amy Becker. She's the one that got me into this mess of competitive triathlon. Talk about unconditional love of her friends. This woman is a saint. Not only does she work a full time job as an oncology physician assistant where she cares for patients battling all forms of cancer on a daily basis, she is an incredible mom to two of my most favorite girls in the world. In addition to her duties as working mom, she is a world class triathlete, somehow finding time in her busy life to be an Ironman. Every single Ironman she has raced she has qualified for Kona. That's a big deal. She somehow finds enough time and energy to devote herself 110% to all aspects of her life and still have enough left over for her friends. During my depression, she was always there for me. I would cry over coffee talks with her and she always had the right words to say to comfort me. When I couldn't handle life anymore, she was the one who recommended I look for outside help. I can't thank you enough, Becker, for being my friend through thick and thin and for being my role model and mentor. In the words of one man, "Do your best to keep up with Becker." I can only try.
Having a solid support system has been integral in my life. It's taken me a while to tear down the walls that I've built up over the years and having outside sources I can rely on has been critical in the demolition process. Without the supporting walls, I am just space. Thank you to everyone who has ever demonstrated kindness to me over the years. :-)